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When going through the last few days of the Calm meditation, I noticed a change in myself. Days where I was stressed out and didn't want to do any of my school work became simple and easy to tackle. I noticed a change in the way I felt as I was meditating and truly hit a point of euphoria when slowly coming out of the process. I felt my mind relax and I could easily focus on one thing at a time.
Day 5:
Day 5 of the 7 days of calm was about stopping what I was doing and taking the time to actually meditate. This is a challenge when talking about meditation because it is hard for myself in particular to just stop, step back, and take the time out of my morning to relax and focus all my thoughts on nothing but my breathing. Before I started my meditation, I would wake up in the mornings and instantly think about the countless assignments I needed to do before the day was done. I became obsessed with the feeling of getting somewhere and accomplishing things that were important to me. Yes, this isn't necessarily a bad thing but in the process of becoming mindful I have learned that to feel good about anything that I have done I have to put a, "pause on my productivity," and have the right mindset going into it. The women in the video states that, "The daily rush against the clock provides the illusion that they more we do, and the more we accomplish is what drives out success. This is a misinformed and counter intuitive belief," and I couldn't agree more. If I used all the thoughts that come pop up in my brain to fill the moments of everyday life, I would have no room to notice the sensations that run through my body and mind. I discovered that I have to give myself the opportunity to rest and find clarity through the foggy tricks that my mind plays on me.
Day 6:
Day 6 is all about patience. Patience is one of the important elements when it comes to meditating. When looking back at all my past failures and when I didn't feel like I measured up to my own expectations I wouldn't give myself the time I needed to breath, relax and fix the problem at hand. I would simply put my mind in overdrive and try to redeem myself in anyway that I could. However, I realized that this expectation I had for myself was an unrealistic goal. I will never stop making mistakes until the day I die, and that is okay because I am constantly learning the difference between the things what I want to do, and the things what I need to do.
After my meditation practice I had an epiphany. I found a solution to something that had been troubling me for quite some time now. During the spring semester of 2018, I met with my advisor. It was a cold, snowy Boone day. The frost on my car was painted over the windows and each breath I exhaled was visible because of the water vapor that would condescend and turn into a fog. I was going to this meeting to discuss the way the rest of my semesters here at Appalachian State University would go. One of the first questions I asked was, "How can we make my schedule work to where I will be graduating on time?" She quickly pulled out a list of all the classes I needed to take and strategically placed them in each semester block. When all was said and done I would be taking sixteen hours in the fall semester and eighteen in the spring. I instantly felt my emotions rise and a panic came over me. Regardless of the feelings I was having, I pushed them aside and I told myself I could do it. So we ended the meeting and I went on my way.
I have been ready to graduate since the minute I started my first day of college freshman year. I am a good student but, I definitely am the type that has to constantly stay on top of my school work and give maximum effort (Deadpool references for the win!) for the grades I get. Don't get me wrong, I have had the time of my life while hear at Appalachian State but I am ready to be apart of the workforce, hopefully get a job that I absolutely love and will make a difference while doing it.
Except, for the past couple weeks I have been spreading myself so thin and not taking care of my mind and body. In other words, I haven't been my healthiest self. I am up all night doing school work, waking up after three hours of "sleep" and doing more school work, going to work, and trying to balance all of that with what little social life I have left (sounds sad, I swear I'm fine, just tired).
Like the famous Alabama song goes I've been, "in a hurry to get things done, oh I, rush and rush until life's no fun."
In conclusion, I have decided that I will not be graduating on time and I'm okay with that. I have to go at my own pace and find the patience I once had in my life. I was so caught up in wanting to get everything done so fast that I was making myself sick in the process. Yes, it's not something I am thrilled about but it is something I NEED to do for myself. I have come so far, and have worked so hard to get to where I am at in life and I'm happy. I just needed to practice patience, to realize it.
